MEN Are from MARS, WOMEN Are from VENUS by John Gray
This book has truly helped millions of readers, myself included. It will probably assist you as well. Without these new insights I don’t think I would be happily married today or be such a dedicated father to my children. The same issues that would frustrate me twenty-three years ago in my relationship with my wife, Bonnie, are the same issues that occasionally come up today.
The difference today is that I am more tolerant, accepting, and understanding. I can more correctly interpret her words and reactions and know better how to respond. I may be an expert about gender differences and communication, but Bonnie and my daughters are still sometimes a mystery to me. If anything, this book helps us to be more tolerant and forgiving when someone doesn’t respond the way we think he or she should. Fortunately perfection is not a requirement for creating great relationships.
Gender insight helps us to be more tolerant and forgiving when someone doesn’t respond the way we think he or she should.
With increasing stresses at work and with higher expectations of lasting romance at home, relationships today are challenging for almost everyone. Gaining a better understanding of where your partner is coming from will certainly make your relationships easier. Increasing tolerance for our differences does not mean passive acceptance of a problematic or passionless relationship. Instead, this healthy adaptation is based on real insight that helps as to understand our partners better and respond in ways that are more loving and will inspire the best in them.
You cannot, nor should you ever try to, change your partner. That is his or her job. Your job is to change the ways you communicate, react, and respond to your partner. With new insight, you have the added wisdom and power to adjust your approach. With better communication you can more effectively give the support you seek, and in return, you will be more successful in getting the support you want as well.
With new insight you have the added wisdom and power to change your approach rather than seeking to change your partner.
A few people misuse the concepts in this book. They use the examples and explanations to justify not making important adjustments that could make a relationship work better. For example, I point out that men often need to go to their cave to recharge from the day. This, however, doesn’t justify staying in the cave all the time. On the other hand, I also point out that women generally have a greater need to share feelings as a way of coping with stress. This doesn’t mean a woman can just go on and on or expect a man to stop and listen to whatever she has to say whenever she feels like it.
Unfortunately even good insights can be misused. But if you are seeking to use these insights to understand your partner better, to respect others in the ways that are important to them, and to communicate your needs in a way that they can understand, then this book can work for you.