Dealing with Difficult People: 24 Lessons for Bringing Out the Best in Everyone by Rick Brinkman & Rick Kirschner
they’re those people you can’t stand and who don’t do what you want them to do or do what you don’t want them to do—and you don’t know what to do about them! Good news: you don’t have to be their victim anymore. And while you can’t change difficult people, you can communicate with them in such a way that they change themselves. In this book, we define the four key areas you’ll have to focus on to solve your people problems.
First, we’ll describe the “10 most unwanted” types of behavior and examine the forces that compel people to lie difficult in such a variety of ways. Then we’ll help you build a “lens” for understanding why people act the way they do. Your ability to recognize the four key behavioral intentions is the first step toward success in influencing people to change their behavior toward the positive.
Then, we’ll focus on surviving through skillful communication. This involves, among other things, learning the critical skills of bit”tiding anil redirecting. We’ll show you techniques that will help you listen to understand—and thereby to reach a deeper understanding. We’ll suggest ways that you can speak to be understood. With effective listening skills and speaking skills in your repertoire, you’ll have die building blocks for specific strategics for the toughest behaviors. And as you make these positive communication skills a habit, you will livable to prevent many of the difficult behaviors from ever occurring.
After that, we discuss each of the 10 most unwanted behaviors and tell you how to get the best result with each of them. We close by simply encouraging you to get started and suggesting some concrete action steps that you can take, immediately, to start dealing better with the people you can’t stand.
So who are “we”? We are best friends, business partners, and physicians. We have spent many years studying health from an altitudinal and behavioral point of view. Long ago we became convinced that when people clarify’ their values, update their concepts, learn effective communication and relaxation skills, and define and work to meet their goals, they feel better. And as their mental and emotional health improves, many of their physical symptoms disappear.
In 1982, a mental health organization asked us to create a program on how to deal with difficult people. That marked the beginning of the process that resulted in this book—and also changed the way we define what we do. We now view all our work as public practice. supporting the health and well-being of people by educating them in some essential life skills, while getting a kind of continuing education in people for ourselves. For almost two decades, we’ve been learning about people’s hopes and fears, how people build their lives or destroy them, how people communicate, what makes people difficult, and how best to deal with people at their worst.
We’ve written tiiis book to pass that information along to you. We’ve presented these ideas to hundreds of thousands of people, through books, tapes, and seminars. We hope and believe that the ideas in this book will make a meaningful and lasting difference in the quality of your life.
There are difficult people and everyone has to deal with them: We identify 10 general types of troublesome behavior. You may have your own “least favorites.”
There are effective ways to deal with these people: That’s what this book is all about.
“This book will help you to identify and assemble elements of effective communication. You can get through and be one of the few who brings out the best in most people at their worst. ”
1.Dealing with difficult people
2.Recognize the 10 most unwanted behaviors
3.Choose your approach
4.Understand the four intents
5.Understand the first intent: gel it done
6.Understand the second intent: gel it right
7.Understand the third intent: get along
8.Understand the fourth intent: get appreciated
9.Recognize the results of threatened intents
11.Listen to understand
12.Reach a deeper understanding
13.Speak to be understood
14.Project and expect the best
15.Bring out the best in the Tank
16.Bring out the best in the Sniper
17.Bring out the best in the Know-It-All
18.Bring out the best in the Think-They-Know-I t-All
19.Bring out the best in the Grenade
20.Bring out the best in the Yes Person
21.Bring out the best in the Maybe Person
22.Bring out the best in the Nothing Person
23.Bring out the best in the No Person
24.Bring out the best in the Whiner
25.Take the first three action steps
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