Five decades of dramatic social change and monumental shifts in the traditional family have created a breed of men who have been conditioned to seek the approval of others.
I call these men Nice Guys.
Nice Guys are concerned about looking good and doing it “right.” They are happiest when they are making others happy. Nice Guys avoid conflict like the plague and will go to great lengths to avoid upsetting anyone. In general, Nice Guys are peaceful and generous. Nice Guys are especially concerned about pleasing women and being different from other men. In a nutshell, Nice Guys believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will in return be happy, loved, and fulfilled.
Sound too good to be true? It is.
Over the last several years, I have encountered countless frustrated and resentful Nice Guys in my practice as a psychotherapist. These passively pleasing men struggle in vain to experience the happiness they so desperately crave and believe they deserve. This frustration is due to the fact that Nice Guys have believed a myth.
This myth is the essence of what I call the Nice Guy Syndrome. The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are “good,” they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results — as it often does — Nice Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are often anything but nice.
The concept of the Nice Guy Syndrome grew out of my own frustration of trying to do it “right,” yet never getting back what I believed I deserved. I was the typical “sensitive new age guy” — and proud of it. I believed I was one of the nicest guys you would ever meet. Yet I wasn’t happy.
As I began exploring my own Nice Guy behaviors — carctaking, giving to get, fixing, keeping the peace, avoiding conflict, seeking approval, hiding mistakes — I started noticing numerous men with similar traits in my counseling practice. It dawned on me that the script guiding my own life was not an isolated incident, but the product of a social dynamic that affected countless adult males.
Up until now, no one has taken the problem of the Nice Guy Syndrome seriously or offered an effective solution. This is why I wrote No More Mr. Nice Guy!
This book shows Nice Guys how to stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in love and life. The information presented in No More Mr. Nice Guy! represents a proven plan to help passively pleasing men break free from the ineffective patterns of the Nice Guy Syndrome. It is based о my own experience of recovery and my work with countless Nice Guys over the last twenty years.
No More Mr. Nice Guy! is unashamedly pro-male. Nevertheless, I have had countless women support the writing of this book. Women who read the book regularly tell me that it not only helps them better understand their Nice Guy partner, it also helps them gain new insights about themselves.
The information and tools presented in No More Mr. Nice Guy! work. If you are a frustrated Nice Guy, the principles presented in the following pages will change your life. You will:
• Learn effective ways to get your needs met.
• Begin to feel more powerful and confident.
• Create the kind of intimate relationships you really w ant.
• Learn to express your feelings and emotions.
• Have a fulfilling and exciting sex life.
• Embrace your masculinity and build meaningful relationships with men.
• Live up to your potential and become truly creative and productive.
• Accept yourself just as you are.
If the above traits sound good to you, your journey of breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome has just begun. It is time to stop seeking approval and start getting what you want in love and life.
NO MORE MR. NICE GUY! A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want In Love, Sex and Life by Robert A. Glover pdf